Tonight was the first time I’ve cried in six months. This is kind of embarrassing to admit, but it’s true. And yes, I actually know that’s how long it’s been and thanks to my usual perky and optimistic nature it’s been quite a while (also thanks to regular exercise- hello endorphins). Anyway, it was a rare moment where being on the other side of the world without any friends or family got to me emotionally.
You see, I’m not really alone like a lot of other travelers out there, I live onboard the boat with two other couples (one married, the other practically married) so I do have daily company and it’s become a lot like family between us, but essentially I am the ultimate fifth wheel (and that’s 24/7 my friends). None of this bothers me though, really, I swear. I’m not looking to get married or even have the responsibility of a relationship; I’m truly enjoying my selfish years. Also, the couples I live with aren’t the PDA-in-your-face type so that helps. Like I said, it’s really comfortable between us all.
When I have days off however, I’m on my own. If I were to consider this prospect years ago, it would make my skin crawl. I am a people person. I always have been (thanks mom for the genes on that one) and I can easily weasel my way into getting a friend to come along with me on whatever it is I’m doing, just so that I’ll have company. At least, that’s how I used to be (obviously, not really possible at the moment). Having said that, now I really enjoy my time on my own; I’ve learned to love it. Exploring new cities and countries on my own means no one having to compromise with on what to see and do. No one to accommodate for but myself. I’ve even gotten comfortable going out to eat by myself. Bring a book, people watch, strike up conversation with the bartender- it’s really not a big deal and I find it kind of nice now. (I really hope you aren’t starting to think I’m some kind of a loner & a freak at this point…) Regardless, solo traveling and exploring really can be a wonderful experience.
Anyway, last night everyone (the two couples) went out to dinner for a birthday celebration at Ku De Ta, an amazing and fancy restaurant on top of Marina Bay Sands with the most spectacular views of Singapore. I was left on the boat because after all, I’m the nanny and the 13 month old isn’t going to watch himself. I’m not going to lie though, I felt a little left out, but whatever, life goes on and there will be other times. The only thing is that I really really want to go, but it’s one of those places that you have to have a reservation for and the thought of booking a reservation for one kind of makes me feel like a loser (serious moment- I am not judging ANYONE, this is simply how it makes ME feel in this particular situation). I also remembered the staff member at the Mega Zip park on Sentosa who, upon learning that I was on my own, looked at me like I was an orphaned puppy with three legs and told me “oh, it’s okay, you can have fun by yourself too”, in that voice (Seriously? I know that. Thank you condescending Cathy.). Still, the idea of getting this reaction at a fancy place makes me want to curl up into a ball and hide in a hole. I know it’s not going to because I’m sure they are professionals and not idiots like that staff member, but you just can’t help where your minds wanders sometimes. Honestly though what made me sad is that I would really love if I had a friend to go with for once to share the experience with and have some nice conversation with, like the other couples get to have when they go out. Once again, this is NOT me saying I want to be wifed up.
Either way, I’m going to do my best to carve out some time in my schedule to go and check it out- by myself. Screw you, Mega Zip park staff member. After all, I’m great company and if worst comes to worst, I can always find a way to entertain myself.
Just a reminder to everyone out there that thinks it all looks so spectacular and wonderful %100 the time, there are some downsides. But trust me, I’d still take this any day over sitting at a desk back in Maryland.
Oh, and the tears only lasted about 30 seconds before I slapped myself in the face and told myself to man up.